Dear you-know-who-you-are-though- you'll-never-read-this
I hope youre happy and you know now what it feels like to be in love. I cannot be bitter towards your change of heart about the fact that you didn't want to date people. I guess a couple of months is enough to change perspectives. We haven't talked for a while. This has been the longest break between us since we started talking. I'm pretty sure this break is going to continue till either of us gets super drunk and finds themselves in the wrong city. 
I will not tell you that I miss you this time around. If you know me, you already know that I do. I think of you sometimes, it's not that often anymore but I do. In a couple of days it'll be I think 8 months since the day I told you I was in love with you and it all went to batshit. Still we managed to have our good moments. I will not tell you that I love you this time around either because a) the fact hasn't changed b) I can imagine it's a really burd…

Hannah Montana on the Radio

A couple of days ago I head the one and only (non existent entity as of now) Hannah Montana on the radio. (*HEYY GET UPPP GET LOUDDD STARTPUMPING UP THE PARTY NOW*) This came out in 2006. 11 freaking years ago. And here it was playing on a request-a-song radio show in 2017. Gosh. I know. Cringe. But also nostalgia. The painfully simple lyrics and the semi to full auto tuned vocals brought me back to sitting in front of the TV when I was 5, belting out near perfect renditions of all her songs (I still can btw.) 

I also made me realize just how much I miss things being "painfully simple". 

----- topic change ------

My life isn't a drama by any means even if I make it seem a bit (or a lot) dramatic on here. I'm a happy sunflower. I don't have any outstanding dreams or larger than life plans. I just really want to be happy and make others happy. I want to make cakes for bake sales and be there when people need to vent. I want to have kids that become good people and don…

Spoken Word

Spoken word poetry is by far the most raw and efficient way to express in my opinion. Im in love with the format. Here are four of my poems. They're in chronical order. Maybe you can make out a story? (If you follow me on Instagram, you've already read these)
//my favourite baked good//
He was beautiful
He felt like a rose on my more than thorn body
A firefly on a cold dark night, a beach at dawn
He was electric
The sparks like the bouncing of neurons in my,love blind brain. I was in shock.
I didnt baby proof the sockets that couldve been fatal, something I regret not doing.
He was a tv show that should've gone on air but was cancelled due to budget cuts, i had invested in that story from the moment it was on the drawing board.
He was perpetually hypothetical.
His arms around my waist, my lips against his, i was on fire. He was stone cold. 
He twisted up my neck like poison ivy, my eyes locked in his. I could not breathe, but he sang.
He was not a monster, but my life was in his han…

Major Plot Twist

a couple of days ago (8 Sept) he said that he loved me. 
Plot twist: it was no. V (see previous post)
Plot twist: I couldn't say it back 
Plot twist: hes okay with it
Plot twist: I have a feeling I can say it back soon enough. 

Definitely, Maybe 2.0

This is the second time I'm typing this out. The first draft is still unposted. I don't think I'll ever make it public tbh. Anyway I just wanted to vent for a bit if that's fine by you.

First off, it's been a while hasnt it? I missed you all (by all I mean the 3.7 people who read this blog but anywho) 

Now to the topic of today's irrational rant, my love life or lackthereof. I'd like to start off by saying that I am a good person (not boasting, just facts) I take care of everyone around me. I make sure they feel loved and cherished and special. I try my best to be the best to everyone I know. I don't normally feel the need to get anything in return you know but sometimes it just feels I'm doing it all in vain. I'm 16 and I know I'll probably laugh at this post in a year but right now I just have a heavy heart that needs healing. 

i. The first guy I ever actually felt truly for, was a huge jerk. He was all about basic gratification and never rea…

She's Leaving

So one of my best friends is leaving the country as I type. She's on her way to Delhi right now to catch a flight to London and subsequently to LA where she's probably gonna live for the rest of her life but that's not the point. The point is that my ray of constant happiness is leaving. Sabrina is leaving.

Of course we'll still talk everyday and we'll be constantly snapping each other but it's not the same uk? I can't hug her. I can't eat shitty cuppa noodles with her (okay it's not that shitty but I ate em cuz she liked em) I can't have instant text replies because timezones exist, 

The first memory I have of her is hearing about her and a guy called Sarthak. I didn't know her then. I'm glad I didn't. We were completely different people then and I guess we would've hated each other. 

Fast forward to January of 2016. It was the 11th I think. We texted each other on snapchat about something and we clicked instantly. We exchanged num…

2 Years and 15 Days (Give or Take) + A Year Before If That Counts

As I write this I'd like to thank the girl who reminds me constantly why I write. She reminds me why I record memories into words and those words into this website or in smaller pieces on some other social media. Whether it be in a cryptic manner or in a raw unadulterated way, I have managed to type out all major landmarks in my life in the past 3 years or so. Now I know why.

Just a couple of minutes ago she texted me with screenshots of two posts. "Shit Happens" and "Last Day Of Tenth Grade" and she thanked me for writing those two posts. Reality is, in those two posts you can see how much changed. Aalya, you have become so much and this post is for you. (I'm sorry if some or most of this doesn't make sense to you, stranger on the internet, this is one of the most specific posts I've ever written, you can totally hate me for not being relatable)

I can't describe our friendship because my words won't do it justice. But I can at least list out …