Crappy Days

Do you ever feel like you're a convenience? Like people only talk to you because you're in front of them? Lately I've been feeling that even though I shouldn't because I have great friends and family and they care but you one once in a while it wouldn't hurt them to show it. It's been what, a week since since school broke for summer and guess how many times somebody has started a personal conversation with me. Twice. I don't know why I'm felling extra crappy about it today but for once I'd like to be a priority to someone. 

My boyfriend's nan died two weeks so he's with his family and for that I really can't blame him. Each person has a coping mechanism and he chose to shut down and I respect that.  

i don't know what to do really. I'm a very social person, I like talking. It's not that I can't spend time with myself (I love me time) but you know that too gets draining after a while. 

Sometimes I feel like I give people way too much importance than they give to me. And that's a really crappy feeling. Am I not interesting enough? Not exciting enough? Or just not enough? I'm sorry if all of this seems like a sappy story of someone who's insecure. And if you know me or read my blogs you'll know I'm neither insecure nor a sap story. I'm strong, intelligent, caring, and loyal but sometimes I wonder if anyone ever notices that. 

I've even tried writing the next couple of chapters of my book but I can't think. I start writing and then stop because I don't know what TO write. The same thing happened here. I know I havent been the most regular or whatever and I'm sorry about that. But I just didn't know what to write. I've faced no drama, no crazy situations, no exceptionally happy moments. Basically atm, my life is meh. 

Back to the point now, I feel like I'm this backup plan to everyone. I'm the one they reach out to when they have nothing better to do. (I'm excluding two of my homies here, they actually were busy and did talk to me about what they were doing in the vacations so I'm not mad at them or anything) I just... I just don't know. I hope that I get over this soon because I think it's all in my head. Anyway, thanks for reading this bullshit.

Till next time this is me singing off!

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