Crumpled Paper

Trust is a silk thread. Pull too hard and it breaks so very easily. 

So I have had trust issues for quite a while. It's not that I don't share things and stuff; I'm a very open person and get along with people easily. But most of the time I listen, don't tell. 

You might think that it's really common for people to have trust issues and that I'm making a big deal out of it but I beg to differ. First off, not being able to trust someone IS a big deal, don't tell anyone otherwise. Trust is like paper, once you crumple it, you can never have a clean slate. Never. Breaking someone's trust is just as painful as breaking their bones. Wait, no, It hurts even MORE than breaking their bones. Because bones heal, trust doesn't. 

They say that time is a great medicine to forget and forgive. I agree. It takes time to get over things, to distance yourself from what's hurting you. It isn't easy but it works. My trusting abilities used to be very good. I gave away my trust easily and I now I have learned no to do that. Today, it's thinner than paper, you can rip it apart with a click of a finger and you'll never be to repair it. You loose me, there's no going back. I know I said that giving second chances is a good thing but sometimes, just sometimes, it's better to throw away the crumpled paper than to sit and try to straighten it out. 

You might be interested to know what made me write this post. So here goes. (it's a pretty small story so don't expect too much) 
I trusted someone who seemed different... seemed real. I told them things, nothing too personal but I actually thought they were all that they seemed to be. I was wrong. Big surprise. I'm usually very good at making out who a person really is but their lies were different. Those lies were wrapped up so beautifully that I didn't even bat an eye. We talked a lot and I started to notice gaps and discrepancies in the things that they told me. 

That someone was not at all who I made them out to be. They didn't lie about who they were or anything like that, but they lied about what they thought of me. Lied about what they wanted to achieve by talking to me. I wouldn't say that they used me (I figured it out before they got to the part of using me) but I was still hurt. I cut all ties with 'em (Duh.) and now I'm trying to calm my breathing because I'm practically panting while writing this. 

I don't want to seem like a drama queen, that's the last thing I am, but I just wanted to share what I thought I need to say. I have trust issues. I am working on not having them. But I think that my doubting self saved me from what could have been disastrous. I think I'm going to hang onto some of my weak trust, it was beneficial to me after all. Don't stop trusting people, that's the last thing I want you to do, but be really careful while choosing who you open up to. 

Till nest time, this is me signing off! XOXO :)


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