Ain't Gonna Tell
I can't keep it inside me anymore. Truth is I am way too hurt. This post sorta long. You have been warned.
So as I previously said, Brandon is dead to me. (I've deleted that post now so just.. meh) Au contraire, I can't help but replay the last conversation (which was a huge screaming match) we had over and over again. I don't want to disclose anything way too personal up here but I can tell you this, I will most definitely never talk to him again. All I wanted was for him to just talk to me dammit. They say when you make plans, God laughs. That's exactly what He did. And nothing has pained me as much as this for a while now.
I mean, what did I think was gonna happen?! He will coming running back to me, leaving his bitchy girlfriend behind?! Oh no no. THAT was a figment of my over active imagination. THAT was and is never gonna happen. I was stupid. I wasn't thinking straight. If he wanted me in his life even as a friend he would've made an effort. He didn't. And frankly, I had had enough. Enough of the chase, enough of the hurt. He could just be thinking about me right now. Thinking about how wrong he was to let me go. The thing I learned was that you should never stress on the "Could Haves". If it should have, it would have. (Try saying that ten times fast! XD)
I'm quoting one of my texts I got from someone who is way way better than Brandon. "So yeah, Always stay happy cause people like you are one in a million. Don't let anyone snatch away your smile." And that, my friends, is how you make an effort. That is how you support a person after they've been through hell. I say the same to each and everyone of you.
I won't wish B anything ill. I won't pray to God to make his life miserable. The thing is, I won't do anything. The first thing I did, was to delete his freaking number. Then I deleted him from all my social media accounts. Too much? I think not. This will safeguard me. (At least in my own twisted way.) from being subjected to anything that will hurt me. I am building a fort, people. My own personal Fort Knox. Today, I kick out B from my fort that is under construction. Don't get me wrong. To me, him and I are not friends nor enemies. We are just strangers with some memories. And believe me, once I'm done building, anyone from the outside will have a hard time breaking in. I love the people who are already with me - on the inside of my fort.
I have new friends now. Better than the ones I've had before. I won't think about things that are obviously a sore subject. I won't let those memories dull my sparkle. What I WILL do is make new memories. Memories that will out shine my previous ones. I have grown stronger. I am not going to deny it, B was my Unicorn Island. Losing him hurts like hell. As I have said before, life goes on and we must go along with it no questions asked.I WILL find myself in another Unicorn Island in no time. This just came to my mind right now; You can't lose what you never had, you can't keep what was never yours and you can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to stay. I WILL be okay. Just not today.
Till next time! This is me signing off! XOXO!